Maternal mental health is deeply influenced by expectations, especially during the postpartum phase and being a mother has been the hardest and most rewarding endeavor I have taken on in my life. When we decided to add our third baby a couple of years ago, we knew it was the direction we wanted for our entire family—and it has changed things in so many ways. Already having two older girls, there was an eight-year gap between my youngest two, and life looked very different in every way from the last time I was a mom to an infant.
With any experience, there is a level of expectation. When applied to motherhood, I think this is often what creates tension between expectation and reality. It isn’t always what is happening to you or around you that feels so difficult—but when it doesn’t match how you expected it to be, it can feel off. That disconnect can grow into disappointment and, when not processed well, can lead to deeper emotional struggles.
One of the most life-giving phrases I would say out loud to myself and my baby was:
“You’ve never done this before. You’ve never lived this day, been this age, or had this experience. We are both figuring this out together.”
It reminded me that she was adjusting to reflux pain, the pressure of car seat straps, the sounds of a busy house, unfamiliar smells, and the feeling of hunger. At the same time, I was navigating all the decisions—how to care for her, care for myself, care for my other children, and run my business. Saying this helped take the pressure off both of us and eased my frustration.
Motherhood is both the reason you feel like you might lose it—and the reason you’re working so hard to hold it all together.
I think that one line captures so much of maternal mental health.
How Expectations Affect Maternal Mental Health
There were many moments when I reminded myself: She is doing normal newborn things. She is allowed to act like she’s 10 weeks old when she’s only 10 weeks old. It’s okay that she’s unpredictable. It’s okay that she only wants to be held by me. I realized I needed to adjust my expectations so I could better embrace and even enjoy what was actually happening.
If you are feeling the tension between wishing the day would be over and knowing someday you’ll wish for that day back—you are not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not ungrateful.
You are simply reconciling what you’re experiencing and what you expected.
Some days, those overlap beautifully. The moments are lived, captured, remembered, and cherished. But on the days when they seem to run parallel and never quite meet, remember this:
Your best looks different on different days.
And both of you are living this moment for the very first time.
There is grace and space for both of you.
At Indy Night Nanny, we believe that support changes everything. Asking for help is always a sign of wisdom—never a sign of weakness.
If you’re local to Indianapolis or surrounding areas including Fishers, Carmel, Westfield and Zionsville, we invite you to explore our New Mom Support Guide. It connects you with trusted local resources to support you and your family throughout your postpartum journey, during Maternal Mental Health Month and otherwise. And if you find yourself struggling with mental health during the postpartum season, visit the Postpartum Support International website for resources and options.
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